Quick Stats:

Title: Single Dating Engaged Married: Navigating Life + Love in the Modern Age

Author: Ben Stuart

Genre: Religious / Self Help / Non-Fiction

Publisher & Year of Publication: Thomas Nelson (2017)

Reading Form: Audiobook

Page Count: 243

How long did it take me to finish this book? — 1 week (audio)

Rating: 5/5

Would I re-read it? — 100%

Three words to describe this book: Real-life application, God centered, and Enlightening

Brief Summary:

Ben Stuart, a pastor in Washington, DC, teaches people, specifically the young adult crowd, the importance of having a God centered life. By incorporating the Lord into the everyday lives of young people, they may learn to value themselves, respect others and God, and develop God-focused relationships. Stuart specifically teaches us how to learn, love, and practice the Lord’s teachings in every stage of life, single, dating, engaged, and married. This book is especially influential and useful to those who have the desire to grow their romantic relationship and avoid statistics of divorce and harm in their lives.

First Impressions:

As a newly engaged individual at the age of 21, and a follower of Christ, I was especially moved to read this book. I grew up in a Catholic home and habitually went to Sunday mass. However, as a cradle Catholic, I never fully understood the purpose of the things I was taught to believe in.

In a relationship sense, I didn’t quite understand why my friends would move in with their significant others while dating in college. I knew it was an unspoken rule in the church to never move in or cohabit with a boyfriend/girlfriend. My belief was if you don’t plan on spending the rest of your life with them, then why would you share a home or finances with them? I knew this to be true, but didn’t understand the positive benefits of practicing God centered values. I also didn’t understand why I couldn’t date someone if they didn’t share the same beliefs as me. They are kind and they claim to love me, so what’s wrong with having a relationship with someone, despite if our religious values don’t align? I went into this book with so many beliefs that I practice and believe in, but never fully understood the purpose, or even my purpose.

 I went into this book eager to find the answer to my whys and to also learn how to prepare for marriage. I grew up in a broken home and knew that “women whose parents had divorced reported lower relationship commitment and less confidence in the future of their marriages than did women from non-divorced families.” (Liu, 2009) I wanted to make my life different from the majority and live a life full of love and commitment.

The initial chapter of this book pulled me in and caught my attention. I was surprised by how Stuart catered the writing and story examples to young adults. People who are my age and going through the same things I was going through! I thought religious books were for older people, I mean, at Sunday mass, I always saw the older generation in the pews. Not many people like me. I felt seen in these pages and that I found guidance through topics that are to talk about with family, friends, and even people at Church.

Subjects

Here are a few things I learned from this book, using each stage that gave me hope and guidance:

Single

• Singleness is a blessing! It allows you to focus on yourself but also on building your relationship with God.
• Teaches us how to forgive others and to be courageous in our faith
• Freedom from distraction, you don’t have a romantic relationship to put time and effort into, instead you can put time and effort into God. Which in turn helps you become the best version of yourself.

Dating

• Get rid of unrealistic expectations: You’re not perfect and neither is anyone else! You can’t create or wish for the perfect person. Instead of telling yourself, “I want a man who is 6ft tall, makes over 70k a year, has a bachelor’s degree or higher, and gets me flowers every month.” Say to yourself, “I want a man who loves God and can build a life with me, through the good and the bad.” You can’t get a significant other the way you order a burger.
• Don’t dehumanize others. It is not good to objectify anyone. In doing so, you will not cultivate a relationship of love. Get rid of the consumer mentality.
• How to date: pray for clarity, promote autonomy (you are still your own person and so are they, you do not own each other), remain pure, gracious, and patient.
• The book also teaches us how to go through a breakup. Viewing it as a time of grief.  

Engaged – this is the stage I am in right now!

• Grow a skill of good communication: Understanding the importance of having a gentle tongue. Speaking words of respect and kindness, especially in arguments and disagreements.
• Confess things you’ve done in the past with your partner and overcome it. Have a conversation that is judgment-free and encouraging.
• Finances – learn how to steward resources together, how to save, how to spend, and how to be generous
• Be excited to get married!!

Married

• Serve your spouse: Wives be submissive! This doesn’t mean to be controlled or lose autonomy in making decisions it means respecting your husband as a leader. God has placed your husband in your life to guide and care for you.
• Husbands must be good leaders for their wives: this means initiating and sacrificing for them. Husbands must also have a good relationship with God so that they may guide their wives closer to him as well.
• Find other couples to help you! We can find wisdom and guidance to those who have been through similar things.
• Remain faithful and have a combined mission.

Writing Style and Pacing

Stuart writes this book so that it is easy for readers to understand and get to know God. He uses real-life applications as examples and provides plenty of evidence from the bible and scientific studies. This helps me understand what God wants me to do but also gives me perspective on how Godly values affect relationship statistics as well. I had no idea that, “less than 1 percent of couples who pray together daily end their marriages” (Beaty 2020) The pacing in the book is smooth. Stuart includes numbers to highlight certain steps and messages that we should follow. Each tip is about a page or two long, so it is effortless to get valuable information quickly.

Strengths

• Clear and concise
• Suitable for readers of any age and lifestyle
• Helpful for relationships in the modern age

Weaknesses

• It may be a difficult read for those who don’t believe in Christian values or are just beginning their journey in faith.

Would I recommend this book to others??

100% yes!!

This book has helped me stay on my path to getting to know God more. But also, has helped me relationship with my fiancé, who is in the Air Force and we are long distance. I have learned the importance of daily prayer and reading the bible. So much so, that at night we read one chapter a day, converse about it, learn how we can apply God’s word in our lives, and then we end the night by prayer for each other. This book has also taught me that reading the bible, praying for each other, and focusing on God during arguments softens our hearts. It clears our minds during disagreements and heated conversations, causing us to re-route and remain on our mission. The mission is to know God and have him guide our future marriage.

For those who may be single and in the dating era of their lives. You will also find useful insight in the other stages. This will help you grow closer to God, develop healthy romantic relationships, and keep you and your spouse on your holy mission.

I believe that every Christian should read this book before, during, or after getting married. This book will not only help couples, but children of those couples, and everyone in their community. Learning to become a Christian couple will develop the couple to be role models to others.

References

Liu, Y., & Stojanovic, J. (2009). Can religion improve health? BMC Complementary and Alternative Medicine, 9, 8. https://doi.org/10.1186/1472-6882-9-8

Beaty, D. (2020, June 15). 8 benefits of praying as a spouse. iMom. https://www.imom.com/8-benefits-praying-spouse/